According to Hollywood, all it takes to fall in love is one epic, mattress-wrecking sex session. But can the way you have sex actually make a man fall uncontrollably in love with you? And will the way he touches your body leave your emotions totally out of control?You Need... To play hard
"Yes," says Susan Kuchinskas, author of The Chemistry Of Connection. "Nature designed sex to forge those bonds of love. During sex, men and women release the bonding chemical dopamine-it's a highly potent combination that not only makes you crave more sex, but actually ties that craving to your partner." This explains those initial 'I can't get enough of you' feelings. Cosmo discovers how you keep that heart-throbbing passion alive...
Sex when you've just met
How do you create intimacy when you barely know each other and the only thing you currently bond over is a shared love of eating pizza? "You're both producing oxytocin when you get it on, but testosterone (abundant in him) suppresses its effects, whereas oestrogen (abundant in you) enhances it," explains Susan. The result? That horrible feeling that you're more into this relationship than he is.
to get Playing coy may seem old-fashioned, but the chemistry really does uphold the theory. "Women assume adventurous sex gets the guy," says therapist and sex expert Dr Carole Altman. "And it will...for a month or so. Men don't form attachment through crazy sex; that's just chemical lust, which fades."
"Dopamine is the key chemical," explains Susan. "It makes males repeatedly seek reward. The longer they go without reward, the more they repeat attempts to get it-and repetition forges a strong connection." For women, however, oxytocin is the primary love glue, stimulated by touch, trust, and being protected. The longer you hold back from actual intercourse, the more the trust can build-and the more oxytocin gets released via all the lovely touching.
"What's powerful is not just touching the person but uncovering their reaction to touch," says tantric expert Jaiya Hanauer. So explore the unusual (but not too freaky) places; try the earlobes, the area between the belly button and pubic bone and even the kidney area-a cheeky ancient Eastern trick that works the energy connection between the genitals and kidneys, apparently. When you do get to the deed, keep it simple; the less there is to worry about, the more relaxed you'll be-and the more likely to reach orgasm. And if you want him to stick around, Jaiya suggests stroking him lightly all over his body post-orgasm to release more of that in-love chemical, oxytocin.