Marriage
Love Sutra  |  Marriage  |  Bonding with Partner  | Story

Is your marriage sex starved?

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When was the last time you had sex? Don't remember or just too tired to think about it? With work deadlines, social obligations, kids and other family responsibilities, there's just too much on our plate to think about or find time for sex.

"With multiple roles and hectic schedules, today women have less time for sex than ever before. As things at work and at home cry out for her attention, unfortunately sex takes a back seat," says renowned psychiatrist Dr Samir Parikh.

These day couples remain so pre- occupied mentally, that before they can realise they are already in a 'sexually deficient relationship' with their spouse," informs Dr Rachna K Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis hospital.

Agreeing to this, Dr Anup Dhir, andrologist, Alpha Andrology says, "Even if the marriage tag remains, the couples often fall apart due to lack of sexual intimacy.

A study has found that the average married couple has sex 58 times per year, or slightly more than once a week. If this number lacks, there's definitely a problem simmering in the bedroom." So what if you are dealing with stress, fatigue and a timecrunch; there are plenty of opportunities to re- ignite the spark! Follow these simple steps for a sizzling sex life and healthier, not to mention happier relationship.

TALK MORE
This is not going to be easy but force yourself to talk about what's going on between the both of you. Nothing helps like an open and honest chat. It relieves, liberates and uplifts your mood. "Communication is the basis of every relationship.

Talking help's you build intimacy which eventually culminates in romance," says Singh. However, use a non- threatening tone while speaking to each other. Moreover, it's equally important to be a patient listener in the conversation.

Is your marriage sex starved?



SPOT THE PROBLEM
The hardest part is initiating a conversation, once you've tackled that it's time to admit that there is a problem.

Identify causes that are working against you and zero in on the predominant ones. See how can you make the situation better or find an alternative route. "Approach it as a couple's problem together that is no- one's fault.

There should be no one in the 'right' or 'wrong'. The person who'd like to have sex more doesn't become 'better' than the other and the person who prefers sex less isn't 'frigid' or the one with 'the problem'. Sometime's there's a mismatch in desire, one partner feels rejected or the other feels pressured and hassled. It doesn't feel great for either person," explains sexpert Tracey Cox.

PRESS SNOOZE
Studies have revealed that if given a choice, most women ( and men too) will choose sleep over sex. Then why not make that work in your favour! Experts insist that getting enough sleep is the ultimate aphrodisiac you can bet on. Just make sure you match your sleep schedule and don't forget to cuddle each other.

"Sleeping together ensures emotional bonding and intimacy," declares Sharma.

Also, it's important to feel rested before you aim at some fun under the sheets.

CLEAR CLUTTER
Laptop, PDAs, phones, office papers and files - these distractions should be banned from the boudoir. Your bed should be used for sleep and sex alone.

Insomnia and technology only work as a distraction and dampen your sex life.

"Earlier it was the TV that was called the 'third person' in the bedroom, today, it's a gadget. It's harder to initiate sex if your spouse is hiding behind his laptop exploring social networking sites or glued to a new game on his phone," states Singh. Make the bedroom a no techzone and give sex the priority it deserves.

PUMP UP
Exercising not only jump starts your libido, but it can also make you feel sexier and more confident in bed. Exercising with your spouse will only make it more fun; allowing you both more time together. "Exercising together builds positive hormones. At least, try going for a walk together or take a romantic stroll in the park," advises Singh. Enhancing your stamina, exercising makes you feel more energetic and improves your performance in bed.

SWITCH ROOMS

Yes, this can spice up your sex life for the simple reason that it's not your own bedroom. "A new room or different place gives a sense of novelty and that you are doing something different.

A lot of people have too many distractions in their bedrooms to think about sex, so a new place helps take the load off your mind and let the sparks fly" says relationship therapist Praney Anand. You can convert the attic or any separate room into a lounge area with a few aromatic candles to heighten sexual feelings.

FOREPLAY

Do not underestimate the power of foreplay."Spend time in exploring each other and enjoy the freedom. While you are at it, actively give feedback to each other," advises Sharma.

He further suggests taking turns - one partner can be active at a time and then inter change. This will add some spice to your love making routine. Adds Cox, "Be the one to make the first move.

Being the one that suggests sex will instantly make you feel more powerful and sexier; especially if your partner is the one who usually initiates."

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